IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#governments #care #support #people #responsibility #person #retirement
People have different views about whether or not governments should help senior citizens. I completely disagree with the idea that elderly people should receive no
support
 from the state.
First
, there are different social class which
have
Suggestion
has
 a
variety
Suggestion
varied
 range of salary number. In
this
 situation, some people may not be capable of affording their retire life on their own while others do not worry about running out of supplies at their retire age. To name a few, a part-time worker or a blue-collar worker may earn the number just meet as much as his
dayly
every day; without missing a day
daily
 needs. While
them
people in general
they
 are too old to work, they lose their source of income and be put in financial difficulties.
On
Suggestion
To
 contrast, a manager or a white-collar may earn much than a blue-collar and be able of saving for his retire consumption. Out of the reason that all
worker
Suggestion
workers
makes
Suggestion
make
 a huge contribute to our state
economic
Suggestion
economy
 and tax income, it seems to be more
justicial
the quality of being just or fair
justice
judicial
 and fair when the government
be
Suggestion
is
 responsible of affording their retire expenditure. Apart from that, elderly people need more financial
support
 for their
health
 care in general. As the
health
 care of older people are always expensive and the old have more chance to get extra
health
 expenditure
such
 as some routine
health
 examine or some chronic treatment. Those medicine
treatment
Suggestion
treatments
 tend to be persistent and have expensive charge. From what has been stated aboves, I disagree with the view that elderly people get no financial
support
 from
government
Suggestion
the government
 while they tired. And I strongly
support
 that government should give some financial
support
 to elderly people specially in the
medicial
relating to the study or practice of medicine
medical
 expenditure.
Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: