IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the women should play an equal role as a man in country’s police force and military force, such as the army, while other think women are not suitable for these kinds of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #women #role #man #country’s #police #force #army #kinds #work
Nowadays, we have seen many developed
contries
a politically organized body of people under a single government
countries
counties
enroll
register formally as a participant or member
enrol
 women in
hardloalded
job
, which we used to be for men merely, while others disagree on
such
 movement, as women are not physically
equall
having the same quantity, value, or measure as another
equal
equally
 as men, which I think it should not be in
job
Suggestion
the job
a job
, which
requere
require as useful, just, or proper
require
requires
required
 high force. There are many reasons why it could argue that women these days are
engage
Suggestion
engaged
 in many force's
job
such
 as police or military.
Firstly
,
this
 is particularly come with the
femenisty
of or relating to or advocating equal rights for women
feminist
feminists
 and women
equallness
having the same quantity, value, or measure as another
equals
movemet
a change of position that does not entail a change of location
movement
 in the
westren
relating to or characteristic of the western parts of the world or the West as opposed to the eastern or oriental parts
western
Western
 countries,
for example
, in
USA
Suggestion
the USA
 the percentage of female working in army and police
exceesed
be greater in scope or size than some standard
exceed
exceeded
accused
 5% in 2005, and shows gradual increase.
Therefore
,
such
 women organisation
encourage
Suggestion
encourages
 women to be equal as men in every
feild
record in a public office or in a court of law
filed
field
filled
 in order to be more effective and valuable in the communities. Despite the above argument, I would tend toward the
view point
a mental position from which things are viewed
viewpoint
 that these
type
Suggestion
types
 of
work
 are not
conveniant
suited to your comfort or purpose or needs
convenient
 for female.
To begin
 with,
although
goverment
Suggestion
the government
government
 could
employee
Suggestion
employ
employing
 women in offices, which an
aceptable
worthy of acceptance or satisfactory
acceptable
work
 field for planning and do
paper
work that involves handling papers: forms or letters or reports etc.
paperwork
work
. It should not be
in
Suggestion
at
 the
frontline
Suggestion
Frontline
front line
 of army or in the street police
work
. Looking at the physical differences between the two
gender
Suggestion
genders
, we can see that women cannot gain
mucales
Suggestion
muscle
muscles
 or fight a strong man, due to her soft body, and
also
 she has many hormonal changes monthly, which may limit her physical power.
In addition
,
pregnency
the state of being pregnant; the period from conception to birth when a woman carries a developing fetus in her uterus
pregnancy
 and breasting are other limited factor for female
in
Suggestion
on
force's
Suggestion
the force's job
job
. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both
view
Suggestion
views
, I think that women and man can have an equal role in many social service
job
Suggestion
jobs
 except those need high powerful experience are suitable for man only.
Submitted by mediyprint on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: