IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Task 2: The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes and suggest ways to prepare for people to work in the future.

#world #work #employees #conditions #life #people #future
The advancement in technology and science has revolutionised our lives significantly in recent years. Some
people
 mention that the working environment and types of
work
 available to humankind will not be the same in the
future
 as an increasing number of menial jobs are being replaced by robots and artificial intelligence.
This
 essay will discuss what is causing
this
 phenomenon, and
also
 provide some ideas
of
Change preposition
on
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 how to accommodate anticipated changes in
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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. An Increasing number of menial jobs which do not demand complex tasks and human intelligence are being replaced by the use of artificial robots at
work places
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workplaces
show examples
.
In other words
, human
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 no longer required, and
as a result
, those
people
 who do not
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
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 advanced
skills
 face
Correct article usage
the risks
show examples
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
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 of
loosing
Replace the word
losing
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 their jobs.
For instance
, Australian supermarkets have introduced automated paying stations, and
this
 does not involve human workforces;
therefore
,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
are
Wrong verb form
will be
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 hired to fill
in
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apply
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this
 position in the
future
.
While
 the introduction of computerised systems reduces the cost of hiring human
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
,
this
 certainly changes current working conditions. As simpler tasks will be carried out by using computerised machines in the
future
,
people
 should accommodate these changes by equipping necessary knowledge and
skills
.
Firstly
, schools should educate children and young
people
 about changing working situations and make them prepared for it. In order to do so, school curriculums should incorporate more
of
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apply
show examples
computer technology and associated
skills
.
Secondly
, as less physical
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
show examples
 will be available to the human workforce in the
future
, companies and organisations should create new positions and provide training to employees who lack knowledge and
skills
. In conclusion,
types
Correct article usage
the types
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 of
work
 available to
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 workforce will be changed significantly owing to the introduction of artificial intelligence and robots to replace existing physical tasks.
People
 should prepare for
this
 change by obtaining relevant computer
skills
 and knowledge through school curriculums and input from companies and organisations.

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coherence cohesion
You have written a logically structured essay with clearly identifiable introduction and conclusion sections which is commendable. However, the body of the essay can be enhanced. Make sure to use linking words effectively, start each paragraph with clear topic sentences and follow them with related supporting sentences to improve the flow and coherence.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the task as you addressed all parts of the prompt. Yet, you could go into more detail in your discussion to fully develop your arguments, particularly in relation to the ways to prepare for future work changes.
lexical resource
You have employed a varied and appropriate vocabulary to express your ideas, yet at times the use of some words and phrases seems slightly repetitious. In order to score higher, it would be beneficial to further enhance your lexical resource by using synonyms and paraphrasing where possible.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is adequate, but a few minor errors could be spotted throughout the text. Pay attention to the correct usage of tenses and avoid minor slips in syntax and spelling to score higher in the grammatical range criterion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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