Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man

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Experts throughout both the developing and developed world have debated whether the advent of sophisticated modern

technology

such

as mobile phones, laptops and

iPad

Correct your spelling

iPads

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

helped to enhance and improve

people

’s social lives or whether the opposite has become the case. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view.

This

essay will discuss both sides using examples from the UK government and Oxford University to demonstrate points and prove arguments. On the one

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that

such

technology

can be detrimental

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

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to the younger generation who are more easily affected by

it’s

Replace the word

its

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addictive nature

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

which can result in

people

feeling more isolated from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. The central reason behind

this

is twofold,

firstly

, the invention of online social media sites and apps,

such

as Twitter and Facebook

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

reduced crucial face-to-face interactions dramatically. Through

use

Add an article

the use

show examples

of these appealing and attractive mediums,

people

feel in touch and connected yet lack key social skills and the ability to communicate.

Secondly

, dependence on

such

devices is built up frighteningly easily which may have a damaging effect on mental health and encourage a sedentary lifestyle.

For example

, recent scientific research by the UK government demonstrated that 90% of

people

in their 30s spend over 20 hours per week on Messenger and similar applications to chat with their friends

instead

of meeting up and spending quality time together or doing

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

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As a result

, it is conclusively clear that these

technology

advancements have decreased and diminished our

real life

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real-life

show examples

interactions.

On the other hand

although

there are significant downsides to technological developments, its’ multifold advantages cannot be denied.

This

is largely because the popularity of

technology

such

as cellphones allows

people

to connect freely and easily with no geographical barriers.

People

are able to share any type of news, information, photos and opinions with their loved ones whenever and wherever they want

therefore

keeping a feeling of proximity and closeness.

For example

, an extensive study by Oxford University illustrated that

people

who work, or study abroad and use applications like Facetime and WhatsApp to chat with their families, are less likely to experience loneliness and feel out of the loop than those who do not. Consistent with

this

line of thinking is that businessmen are

also

undoubtedly able to benefit from these advances by holding virtual

real -time

Correct your spelling

real-time

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meetings using Skype which may increase the chance of closing business deals without the need to fly. From the arguments and examples given I firmly believe that

overall

communication and

mans’

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man’s

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sociability

has been

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

advanced enormously

due to

huge

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the huge technological progress of the past twenty years and despite some potentially serious health implications which governments should not fail to address, it is predicted that its popularity will continue to flourish in the future.

Submitted by ajaysagar100 on Mon Oct 28 2019

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is well laid out with clear distribution of main points and supporting arguments. However, the flow of ideas could be improved to make the essay even more cohesive. An occasional oversimplification may obscure some aspects of the arguments.

task achievement

The essay clearly responds to the task with the main ideas well supported and explained. The writer uses relevant and specific examples to further clarify the main points. However, there is room to ensure the ideas presented are comprehensive, maintaining complexity while also being clear.

lexical resource

The vocabulary is versatile and used appropriately, adding strength to the arguments made. There are good examples of advanced and topic-specific vocabulary. Keep working on this as it adds sophistication to your work.

grammatical range

The grammatical range is varied and in general correctly implemented; there are examples of both simple and complex sentence structures. However, a couple of sentences could be improved for clarity. It is important to continue practicing proper sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

465 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

social interaction
connect
communicate
video conferencing
stay in touch
online communities
forums
like-minded individuals
global communication
collaboration
access to information
knowledge
bridge the gap
social isolation
detachment
face-to-face communication
genuine human connection
maintain
real-life interactions
balance

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Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think this happen? What problems can this cause.

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?