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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country.

The graph below shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country.
#proportion #four #materials #country
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The line graph
privides
Correct your spelling
provides
 information about the recycling rate of four various
materials
Use synonyms
 from 1982 to 2010 in a specific country.
Overall
Linking Words
, the recycling rate of distinct
materials
Use synonyms
 is raised except
one
Change preposition
for one
show examples
 substance in just under a
thirty year
Add a hyphen
thirty-year
show examples
 period.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there is a gap of four years
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which the line graph is showing. The proportion of four
materials
Use synonyms
, from these
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paper
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
cardboard
Add the comma(s)
,cardboard
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of recycling when
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other
materials
Use synonyms
. The glass containers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 just similar to the
paper
Use synonyms
 and
cardboard
Use synonyms
 with just a few fluctuations had been
takes
Change the verb form
taking
taken
show examples
 place. In 1982 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
paper
Use synonyms
 and
cardboard
Use synonyms
 is 60 and it had been capricious
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the following years to 70% in 2010. When it comes to glass containers the
percentage
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased from 50% to 60%. In regard to aluminium cans
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 burgeon from 2% to 45% but it does not reach the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
paper
Use synonyms
 and
cardboard
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the plastics not much increased, just only from nill
percentage
Use synonyms
 to 9%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words materials, paper, cardboard, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • recycled
  • materials
  • percentage
  • paper and cardboard
  • glass
  • plastic
  • metal
  • stable
  • noticeable
  • rise
  • significant increase
  • accounting for
  • consistent
  • ste steadily
  • dramatically
  • nearly
  • worth noting
  • relatively low
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