IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #someone #job #age #development
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Being young used to be one of the selection criteria for getting certain jobs,
however
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, it has been changed recently that
people
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 are protected by the law in some nations not to be judged based on their
age
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 when seeking employment. I totally agree that
this
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 is a positive movement that facilitates fairness and encourages
people
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 to engage in
work
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 across the lifespan. Our
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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society
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 requires more
workers
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;
therefore
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, removing the
age
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 restriction on hiring processes creates increased job opportunities for
people
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 even when they reach pension
age
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. Most of the elders serve as a strong workforce because they are still fit to
work
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 even after reaching retirement
age
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 these days.
For example
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, 60 % of
people
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 in Japan choose to continue to
work
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 after reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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retirement
age
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, filling the gap of job vacancies which cannot be filled by new
workers
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.
This
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 is beneficial for companies as they can hire experienced
workers
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, rather than spending money and time on training new staff. The fair employment opportunity is beneficial in eradicating the stigma associated with the elderly. The elderly are often seen as a burden
of
Change preposition
on
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society
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 as they no longer contribute to economic production. If they
show
Verb problem
make
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 a contribution to the world by continuing to
work
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while
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 they are physically capable, the individuals'
attitude
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attitudes
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 would change. They can use their sophisticated knowledge and skills to train younger generations, and
this
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 is what
society
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 needs.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted in a Japanese company identified that 98% of employees agreed to the benefit of hiring old but experienced
workers
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 in terms of
work
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 efficiency and productivity. In conclusion, the implementation of the law to protect
people
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 from getting discriminated against their
age
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not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 only beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 in supplying
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
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 but
also
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 it changes
people
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's attitude towards the elderly and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 a healthy
society
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.

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task response
Ensure that examples are relevant to the topic and support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, and use a wider range of cohesive devices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
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