IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think it is a positive change, however others think of it as a negative change. What do you think?

#children #parts #world #responsibility #people #change
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, children are not burdened with many responsibilities while in the
past they
Accept comma addition
past, they
 had to attend to multiple chores and duties. There is a school of thought which believes that less
responsibility
 is beneficial for children while a segment of people believe that it negatively affects their development. In my opinion, the shift in
responsibility
 is for the better of
younger generation
Suggestion
the younger generation
. In the past, children were expected to take up daily tasks and work alongside parents on household projects which used to take up a lot of their time. Nowadays, children are encouraged to focus on their studies which
consequently
 helps them to concentrate and achieve better grades.
Moreover
, easing the burden of domestic
responsibility
 has
also
 aided them in becoming more career driven and focused. It has
also
 helped them in allocating time for leisure activities and sports which has not only helped them with their personal grooming; but has
also
 improved their physical and mental health. Despite the positive aspects, it is commonly observed that children that are not given
responsibilities lack
Accept comma addition
responsibilities, lack
 life skills,
subsequently
 they are unable to develop meaningful relationships with other people and it makes them over dependent on their parents for menial tasks.
Furthermore
, the lack of accountability at a young age affects them in their professional career where they are unable to take
responsibility
of
Suggestion
for
 their actions In conclusion, lack of
responsibility
 at a young age does affect development of children,
however
, the time they spent on other activities help them with their future career and personal grooming,
therefore
, its positive aspect cannot be overlooked.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: