The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the cause and effects of this disturbing trend

#percentage #children #society #years #effects #trend

Children are the innocent creature by god, children need to be taken special care and protection. There is a widespread discussion on increasing numbers of overweight children in

western country

Suggestion

western countries

a western country

, following are the causes and effect of it. The main cause of obesity in

younger generation

Suggestion

a younger generation

the younger generation

younger generations

lack

Suggestion

a lack

the lack

of healthy

food

, to meet the living standers both parents need to earn and get more dependent on ready to serve

food

and takeaways.

addition they

Accept comma addition

addition, they

depend on sugary drinks

instead

of fresh fruits, which only add more calories.

Furthermore fast

Accept comma addition

Furthermore, fast

food

corners are growing with

pace

Suggestion

the pace

, you find fried checked and burger on every street crossing.

Also

colourful advertisements are visualized to attract kids. Even the advancement in the technology

have added

Suggestion

has added

fuel to

this

issue, Survey done by Times magazine shows 60 percent of younger kids spend more time playing video game and watching television

instead

of playing

outdoor

Suggestion

outdoors

owing to

this

younger generation is becoming more sluggish and less active. As are result of the above inception there are many adverse

effect

Suggestion

effects

on the child,

firstly

obesity leads to increasing chances of many diseases, most common is diabetes. Overweight child is more teased in the class and is left out.

Secondly they

Accept comma addition

Secondly, they

do not have more friends,

finally

Suggestion

log run

Suggestion

a log run

they become more dependent for

there

of them or themselves

their

daily

rutiens

an unvarying or habitual method or procedure

routines

Iterating to

above discussion

Suggestion

the above discussion

, the main cause of obesity is junk

food

, fried chicken and burger taste good and are reasonable

Suggestion

price but

Accept comma addition

price, but

comes with

unhygienic

and

more fat

Suggestion

fatter

instead

parents should take time to cook healthy

food

at home. Staying healthy keeps diseases away and

make person more

Suggestion

make a person more

energetic and active.

Fri Nov 08 2019

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the cause and effects of this disturbing trend

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that students who achieve the highest scores in their exams should be awarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important that the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Many people are spending a lot of money on their weddings. Do you think this is a good thing?

Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situatuon. To what extent do you agree or disagree?