IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

#species #activities #land #sea
All
kind
Suggestion
kinds
 of animals in the world are
become
Suggestion
becoming
 becoming gone extinct because of the action of people on the earth. The extinction of animals on land and in
sea
Suggestion
the sea
 can stem from many causes, which calls for possible solutions to be adopted. There are a number of factors responsible for the disappearance of animals on in the earth One possible reason which should be considered could be that increasing population results in higher demand for
sea food
edible fish (broadly including freshwater fish) or shellfish or roe etc
seafood
.
This
 means that people will land the fish in large quantities, so the number of fish decreases decreased significantly and loses loss of species diversity.
Secondly
, The companies and farmers convert forest into industrial and agricultural land.
As a result
, these actions can damage the habitat of the animals living
live
Suggestion
lives
 in the forest. There are several measures which can be taken to solve
this
 issue.
Frirstly
Suggestion
Firstly
, the government should have a sustainable plan for marine animals.
Therefore
, The
coutries countries
Accept comma addition
countries, countries
countries countries
 will protect marine biodiversity for a long time and create the balance for of the ecosystem
.
Accept space
.
 Another solution could be for planting more trees nearby factories and in the places
which where
Accept comma addition
which, where
 do not have trees, so the air will be more fresher
.
Accept space
.
This
 has a positive effect on human health
,
Accept space
,
 which can
provides
Suggestion
provide
 citizens with healthy living environment / by providing citizens with a healthy living environment. Bạn ơi, mình cảm thấy ý thứ hai (Another solution...
living
Suggestion
Living
 environment) lạc đề
nha
Suggestion
Nha
  In conclusion, that the animals become endangered results from many causes, and there are several actions that can be taken to address
this
 issue.
Submitted by ntggiang51120 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: