IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports starts are paid too much. Do you agree or disagree ? Which other types of jobs should be paid higher?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #jobs
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In
this
Linking Words
 era, public figures like actors, sportsmen and singers earn huge amount of money than they deserve. Some think that these eminent personalities are paid
handsome salary which
Suggestion
a handsome salary, which
a handsome salary which
handsome salaries which
 is not justified. In my opinion, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 notion of paying high to television stars should be discouraged, because they do not put too much
efforts
Suggestion
effort
 as compared to others. There are other sectors where people should be paid more based on the difficulty of their jobs. The famous personalities who are
from
Suggestion
for
 entertainment or sports background are given
high
Suggestion
higher
 income than they actually
derserve
be worthy or deserving
deserve
. They sign many endorsements with various branded companies, and they earn up to 10 million for appearing in their adverts.
Although
Linking Words
 their job does not demand extreme hard work, they are rich in the society because of their high salary.
For example
Linking Words
, a report that was published
few months
Suggestion
a few months
 back stated that entertainment and sports industries are the highest tax paying sectors in North America.
This
Linking Words
 showed that people from these backgrounds are earning huge wages as compared to others. There are various other fields, where individuals put their lives at stake and are still not paid good wages.
For example
Linking Words
, people in army fight and sacrifice their lives for their country;
however
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, they
are not paid
Suggestion
do not pay
don't pay
 high income. The same is the case with labours, they construct buildings by putting their lives at risk and are still
paid
Suggestion
paying
 low. The government should create rules and regulations for distributing wealth in a justified way, so that persons who are
worthy receieve the
Suggestion
worthy to receive the
worthy receive the
 credit. To conclude, I think persons belonging to high profile industry should not be unnecessarily rewarded too much.
Instead
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, individuals who put extra efforts and give their time for betterment of society should be provided more financial support.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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