IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer

the graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer
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The line graph shows the
demand
Use synonyms
 for
electricity
Use synonyms
typical
Change preposition
on typical
show examples
 days in England. The pie chart delineates information about what electrical appliances spend most
Use synonyms
electricity
Change preposition
on electricity
show examples
. Seen together the figures suggest a link between the
demand
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 for
electricity
Use synonyms
 and how
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used. The
demand
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 for
electricity
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 typical days in winter peaked at over 40000 units of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in around 21
hours
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and reached
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 another high point in roughly
3hours
Correct your spelling
3 hours
 before falling sharply. The average English home uses
electricity
Use synonyms
 in winter, which is Heating rooms and heating water. It accounts for half of all statistical results. The
demand
Use synonyms
 for
electricity
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 typical days in summer peaked at roughly 20000 units of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in around 14
hours
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 and the
second
Linking Words
 high point is about 24
hours
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. The amount of
electricity
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 account for 17.5% is ovens, kettles, and washing machines, the other percentages of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in an average English home at 15% is shared by both categories, namely lighting, TV, radio, Vacuum cleaners, food mixers, electric tools.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words demand, electricity, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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