IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The bar chart gives the top eight online activities in Slovakia in a given month. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary. Write at least 150 words

The bar chart gives the top eight online activities in Slovakia in a given month. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary. Write at least 150 words
#bar #eight #activities #slovakia #month #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart gives the statistics of the young people of both genders in Slovakia who used
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 for eight popular online activities in July. (24)
Overall
, the proportion of both male and female
internet
users
 was the highest for emails and messaging and the lowest for job hunting. In comparison, the percentage of
males
 was the same for emails and messaging at 82%
while
this
 figure was the highest for female email
users
 at 88%.
Almost
Add an article
An almost
show examples
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 number of females performed online
internet
 banking and social networking,
whereas
this
 ratio was comparatively high for
males
 for
internet
 banking at 73%. In health research, the number of female
users
 was almost double, just over 60%, as compared to
males
 which were around 33%. For online education and streaming video/games, the number of females exceeded, by 1% and 5%, respectively than
males
.
Moreover
, exactly
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 proportion (21%) of
males
 and females searched
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for job hunting. (129) In short, the percentage of female
users
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for Health Services but remained equal for job hunting. (19)
Submitted by furqantaseer.ntu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, users, males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: