IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #children #mother #father
Presence
Suggestion
The presence
 of
both
 parents
contribute
Suggestion
contributes
 a major part in the right upbringing of a
child
;
therefore
, it is sometimes considered by many people that
both
mother
 and
father
 should take the responsibility of taking
care
 of their
child
. In my opinion, I agree that a
child
 should get the attention of its
parents which
Accept comma addition
parents, which
as a result
 will make him a better individual and a citizen as well.
Child
's very
first
 nurturing starts from its home and as mothers are always there for her
child
, she takes
care
 of her children in a very responsible way.
In other words
, as
child
Suggestion
a child
the child
 grows, she tries to teach her
child
 good things and the
child
 imitate those things from her
mother
 and get to know things.
For example
, as
toddler
Suggestion
a toddler
toddlers
, learns how to speak, how to walk and eat etc.
Furthermore
, as he
/
she
enter
Suggestion
enters
entered
 the age of a preschooler, a
mother
 teaches a lot of things about schooling and meeting with new people while
in
Suggestion
at
 home she teaches how to do household chores
such
 as cooking food, doing laundry and kitchen and the moral values of a good person
for instance
behaving
Suggestion
be having
Infront
Suggestion
In front
 of
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
, taking
care
 of his
/
her sibling and being honest with everyone. Like, Napoléon said, "Give me good
mother
, I will give you a good nation." I totally agree with
this
 statement, as
mother
 plays
a
Suggestion
an
 influential role in raising a good
child
.
On the other hand
,
nevertheless
,
father
’s contribution towards bringing up a
child
 is
also
 essential as he is
stereotyped provider
Suggestion
a stereotyped provider
the stereotyped provider
 for the family can influence his kids in a very positive way.
In other words
, a
father
 as a breadwinner, brave and compassionate person can teach a lot about taking
care
 of the need of his
/
her family, manly and bravery attitude for his
/
her family, and how to be empathetic for not only his family but
also
 the people around him
/
her.
Furthermore
, he will be able to be present when his
child
 needs him socially and emotionally
for
instance if
Accept comma addition
instance, if
child
Suggestion
the child
a child
 is facing bullying in school or in
neighborhood
Suggestion
the neighbourhood
neighbourhood
.
Moreover
, a
child
 can learn different intensive household tasks
such
 as repairing machinery and other things which requires more strength. In a survey report
of
Suggestion
by
 UNICEF,
child
 who has experienced the parenting of
both
mother
 and
father
 are 30% more independent, 27% more empathetic and 43% are braver than kids who are brought up by a single parent. To conclude,
responsibility
Suggestion
the responsibility
 of a
child
 lies equally
both
 on
father
 and
mother
 to not only make them a better person for the society to become a better citizen
for
Suggestion
of
in
 a country but as an individual to live a better life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: