IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women on different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

the bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women on different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010
The given bar chart indicates some information regarding the percentage of both sexes in Australia who did regular physical
activities
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the highest percentage of physical
activities
Use synonyms
 among men related to the 15 to 34
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
, women were most active in the ages of 45 to 50. As regards men, physical
activities
Use synonyms
 were popular
around
Change preposition
among around
show examples
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 with 52.80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. After that there was a considerable drop to 42.2% and 39.5% between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
25 to 34 and 34 to 44, respectively, at
this
Linking Words
 point, they were faced with a gradual growth with varying
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. If we look at women, there is an opposing trend, the 15 to 45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the lowest tendency to physical
activities
Use synonyms
 with 42.7%, after which they experienced a gradual raise and reach a peak at 53.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 witnessed a steady decline with 46.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the 65 and over. It is interesting to say that, physical
activities
Use synonyms
 among women
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 as popular as among men
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the ages of 65 and over with
negligible
Correct article usage
a negligible
show examples
 difference
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, age, group, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: