The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The world

population

is living longer nowadays. While part of society argues that there are negative consequence to nations, others concur that elderly people are detrimental on the social scene. From my perspective, the aging

population

can offer unique benefits to all citizens. It is believed by many that having an older

population

increases government's costs, since many seniors are retired rather than

active

Suggestion

actively

working,

consequently

spending a

siginificant

important in effect or meaning

significant

amount of the public budget that would be better invested in other areas.

For instance

, if the Brazilian government did not have to monthly spend 4 million dollars to pay for retired salaries, there would be more money available to invest in education, public health, and security.

Moreover

, aging people might be more costly to public health, because they tend to be more frequently sick than youngsters,

therefore

, the rest of the

population

can be

underserved

by the public service due to the high costs of

few

Suggestion

the few

a few

Contrastily

, it is argued that countries with an aging

population

tend to have a stable economy, as seniors can be

more financial

Suggestion

more financially

organized than the youth,

as a result

, more businesses may invest in the nation. Take Denmark as an example, which has eighty percent of its older

population

investing in local companies, resulting in a strong economy most independent of overseas market.

Additionally

, aging

bring

Suggestion

brings

valuable experiences and lessons that can be taught through generations,

therefore

older individuals play

Suggestion

critical role to teach and develop the youth. To conclude,

although

an expressive number of elderly citizens in a country can affect the general public budget, their experience and stability can help to develop society. I personally believe that having

and and

in order to; used instead of "to", especially after try, come, go

and

older

population

is beneficial, despite the financial drawbacks.

Submitted by bele_sales on Tue Dec 10 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In order to study at universities students are required to pay expensive tuition fees. Not all of the students can afford them so some people think that university education should be free for everyone. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, TV programs and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?