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Band 5.5

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
A number of people are of the opinion that additional funds should be allocated
for
Suggestion
to
 protecting endangered animals while others are of the opinions (no ‘s’) that
this
 is a waste of valuable resources. I would agree that allocating additional money to save wildlife from
extinction
 is paramount to provide alternative cure(s) to diseases and provide (a) better understanding for (of) our environment.
Firstly
, some people are of the opinion (repetition) that spending additional money to provide adequate care for rare
animals tending
Accept comma addition
animals, tending
 towards
extinction
 is important (repetition of introduction sentence).
This
 is because it provides
proper understanding
Suggestion
a proper understanding
to
Suggestion
of
 (of) the reason for the decline of
such
 animals. A typical example are (is) some rare species of elephants in
west
Suggestion
West
 Africa (are) tending towards
extinction
 (repetition of
this
 phrase).
Further
 research which was
as a result
 of government funding revealed the major cause of the decline (what was the cause?). Another factor to consider for the disbursement of money to take care of dying wildlife is the role some animals play in the ecosystem.
For instance
(
Accept space
(
,) the
dungs
manner of acting or controlling yourself
doings
 of the sloth
(
Accept space
(
,) which is
also
 an endangered animal
(
Accept space
(
,) has some medicinal properties used in the production of anti-bacteria
(
Accept space
(
l) medicine. Another use of the dung would be for agricultural purposes which is purposeful for food production and crop development. These are important
fact
Suggestion
factual
(
Accept space
(
or
)
Accept space
)
s
The objective case of we, the persons speaking
us
is
 to consider for additional funding for rare animals. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that more funds should be provided to protect rare
animals tending
Accept comma addition
animals, tending
 towards
extinction so
Accept comma addition
extinction, so
 as to explore the major impact and benefit of these animals on our environment and
also
 to preserve alternative cure for diseases through by-products of
this
 (these) rare animals.
Submitted by futherxxx on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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