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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and post graduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and post graduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#show #uk #graduate #post #students #work #college
The bar graph illustrates the profession of UK
graduate
 and
post
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
show examples
graduate
 students who did not undergo full-time employment during their
post college
Add a hyphen
post-college
show examples
 period in the year 2008.
Overall
, studying
further
 was most popular among UK
graduates
as well as
postgraduates
.
In contrast
, engaging in volunteer
work
 was the field least chosen among both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduates
.
Moreover
, in total, the number of
graduates
 was almost 10 times more than the number of
postgraduates
. A staggering 29,665
graduate
 students opted for
further
 studies,
whereas
 a meagre 3500
graduate
 students wanted to do voluntary
work
.
Furthermore
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
graduates
 doing part-time
work
 or unemployed remained almost the same at 17,735 and 16.325 respectively.
In addition
, only 2725
postgraduates
 enrolled in
further
 studies, which is nearly 11 times less than the
graduates
Change to a genitive case
graduate's
graduates'
show examples
 proportion.
Also
 noteworthy is the fact that a similar trend was seen in all the other fields
as well as
 only 2,535, 345, and 1625
postgraduates
 engaged in part-time
work
, voluntary
work
 and unemployment respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, graduates, postgraduates, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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