IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More people prefer to communicate with their online friends rather than socializing with people in their local community. Do you think it has more advantages then disadvantages

#people #friends #community
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Online
communication
Use synonyms
 is gaining popularity nowadays. It is noticeable that
,
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 prefer to engage online with their friends rather than
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 around them.
This
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 essay will describe why the disadvantages outweighed the advantages. Certainly, making friends online has its own benefits.
Firstly
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, our views can be broadband with all over the world,
Individual
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Individuals
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 can come across
with
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apply
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different
culture
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cultures
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, religious
belief
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beliefs
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, colours and
region
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regions
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,
for instance
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, a person living in the United Arab Emirates and planning to relocate
Germany
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to Germany
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, instantly,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can get all the required information from their friends or relatives over there.
Moreover
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,
the
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apply
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online
communication
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 is far more effective than
real life
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real-life
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 experience, individual
have
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has
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 ample
of
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apply
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time to plan their
communication
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.
However
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, outstanding negative impacts cannot be overlooked, One disadvantage is,
the
Correct your spelling
that
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people
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 over the internet
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 unreliable, they pretend to be different
personality
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personalities
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in contrast
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 to real life,
for instance
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, recently, a story published in the newspaper that a group
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people
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of people
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 disguise as female, fool millions of users and get their adult stuff and later on they were treating them to either they will release the obscene photos or they have to pay the certain amount.
Furthermore
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, focusing
online
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on online
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communication
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 will undermine social skills, it is impossible to achieve
the
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apply
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daily
task
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tasks
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 without interaction with the
people
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 around them, the individual will impair their interpersonal skills which seem to be significant for their
communication
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. Without those essential
skills
Add a comma
skills,
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 it will be difficult to
leave
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live
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 satisfied life
with
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in
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 the digital world. In conclusion,
although
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 it is becoming
a
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apply
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more popular for
the
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apply
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people
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 to socialise through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, it has brought about too many problems for
this
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 to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by ali_haider86 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and that all the sentences within the paragraph relate back to this main idea.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your main points. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Be cautious about grammar and punctuation. There are a few errors that affect the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have made a commendable effort to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of online communication, showing balanced thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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