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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates how many males and females
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full-time and part-time
education
Use synonyms
 in the following years: 1970 to 1971, 1980 to 1981 and 1990 to 1991.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in all three time
periods
Add a comma
,periods
show examples
 more people of both sexes were involved in part-time
education
Use synonyms
thanfull-time
Correct your spelling
than full-time
.
Overall
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of men in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 rose from
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 100
thousand
Use synonyms
 to 200
thousand
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of men in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 was lower in the early nineties than twenty years earlier. As far as women are concerned, the numbers increased in both sectors of
education
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
parttime
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
 female students increased dramatically from 700
thousand
Use synonyms
 to 1.2 million in the
twenty year
Add a hyphen
twenty-year
show examples
 period. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of women in full-time
education
Use synonyms
 went up more gradually from 100
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1971 to just over 200
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1991.
This
Linking Words
 was similar
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 increase for full-time male students.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of women in both sectors increased significantly
while
Linking Words
 it seems that the rate of men entering part-time
education
Use synonyms
 decreased a little and was fluctuating.
Submitted by ludoscutu on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, number, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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