IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

• These days people are living into their 90’s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

#people #’s #concern #care #responsibility #members #government
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THERE is an increase in population of old age people due to better health facilities.Now there is a debate who is responsible to take care of
this
Linking Words
 part of
population
Suggestion
the population
a population
 that cannot help themselves.
some
Suggestion
Some
 consider that it is
responsibility
Suggestion
the responsibility
 of state and some are in the
opnion
a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty
opinion
opening
onion
 that it is duty of family members to look after them properly.
First
Linking Words
 of all everyone
accept
Suggestion
accepts
 the reality of old age and should prepare themselves for
this
Linking Words
 part of life.They should save some money so that they don’t need to depend on others for
rest
Suggestion
the rest
 of their life. In some countries like
china Pakistan
Accept comma addition
china, Pakistan
 family system is very strong
.
Accept space
.
children
Suggestion
Children
 and grandchildren take the responsibility of their elder family members.They give them proper
time
Use synonyms
 and try to fulfil their responsibilities.
Its
Suggestion
It
 is considered as disrespectful to send them
to
Suggestion
into
 retirement
homeThis
Suggestion
 has
positive impact
Suggestion
a positive impact
 as well.Children learn moral values and from their life experience they learn various things.
as
Suggestion
As
 we
cant
can not
can't
 pay for the hard
time
Use synonyms
 they faced for
us but
Accept comma addition
us, but
 we can serve them the way they did for us.
Linking Words
However in
Accept comma addition
However, in
 some cases families cannot support their elder members.
they
Suggestion
They
 don’t have
time
Use synonyms
 for them due to high demands of present world.Above all inflation make it difficult for them to serve these people along with
rest
Suggestion
the rest
 of their family members.So government should
also
Linking Words
 take the responsibility of these people.As they served their country for so many years and paid taxes as well.
in
Suggestion
In
 some
cases people
Accept comma addition
cases, people
 at
very old age
Suggestion
a very old age
 start suffering from different psychological issues that
cant
can not
can't
 be managed at home.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
 they need a nurse
.
Accept space
.
government
Suggestion
Government
 should fix some areas in hospitals for them without any charges. At the
end I
Accept comma addition
end, I
 conclude my essay on
this
Linking Words
 point
,
Accept space
,
old generation
provide
Suggestion
provides
 services to their country and children for
long
Suggestion
a long time
time
Use synonyms
.
rather
Suggestion
Rather
 them considering them a burden we should respect them
.
Accept space
.
government
Suggestion
The government
Government
 should make strict policies for them.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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