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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that entertainers (eg. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #eg #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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Entertainment has become
a
Suggestion
an
 important part of everyone’s daily expenses, like
movie ticket
Suggestion
movie tickets
a movie ticket
, football match or even rock concert.
As a result
Linking Words
, as entertainers
,
Accept space
,
their income has grown to a record mark without a sign to stop. Some people start questioning the money they earned: do super stars deserve that much income? Personally, I think they do.
Although
Linking Words
 compared to other professionals, entertainers are not making
direct contribution
Suggestion
a direct contribution
direct contributions
 to the society like fire fighters, doctors or teachers, but they do influence people in other dimensions, which have been shaping the society in a better way. Celebrities like film stars or pop musicians can push the
culture
Suggestion
cultural
 interaction between different countries and societies, which is unachievable without them.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of the movie stars from the US, Asian people get the chance to know western culture, like how do people celebrate Christmas, what does Halloween means and so on. We
can not
can not
cannot
 deny these positive impacts they have been made,
hence
Linking Words
 we need to accept that they are highly paid. Apart from entertainers like film stars or sport stars, I believe people who work in the science field
also
Linking Words
 deserve to get high income.
For instance
Linking Words
, it takes decades for a scientist to invent a new medicine for cancer, during the long process, he or
her
female pronoun; a female, or something regarded as female, e.g. a ship
she
 needs to give up so much personally life and force on the endless experiments and testings. And the outcome they make could save millions of
life
Suggestion
lives
. Overall, I do not agree that entertainers are over paid. Meanwhile, I believe there are other professionals in
this
Linking Words
 society need more attention and need be highly paid for the contribution they have made as well.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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