Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The world is developing faster than before.
Accordingly
, being skilful is essential for both men and women. In this
regard, some people believe that the
males are more competitive than Correct article usage
apply
females
, as they are physically strong and can pay their
attention Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
Change preposition
to
the
one task, observing the process more deeply. Correct article usage
apply
However
, others feel that nowadays, women can succeed in many fields, as they are organized and good at multitasking.
On the one hand, it is true that men are physically stronger, this
ability can help them to be competitive in the
physically demanding jobs Correct article usage
apply
such
as mining, construction and agriculture. That is
to say, they can succeed in these spheres more easily than their counterpart. Furthermore
, they are able to focus on the task more deeply than their counterpart. To illustrate, many of them are good at in
certain professions and spheres, Change preposition
apply
whereas
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
rival
can be productive Correct subject-verb agreement
rivals
on
multitasking. Change preposition
at
Accordingly
, they cannot pay all their attention on
the ongoing process.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, it is clear that
due to
advanced technologies, the world is developing fast. Accordingly
, many types of the
jobs are disappearing, especially, the occupations Correct article usage
apply
which are
Verb problem
that
depends
on Wrong verb form
depend
the
physical strength. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, these changes can improve the situation for females
, as their abilities and capabilities will be more valued than males. Moreover
, they are good at multitasking, and because of this
skill, they can become more demanding. For instance
, there are many types of the
jobs, which are related to Correct article usage
apply
the
multitasking, Correct article usage
apply
such
as administrative works
and leadership. Fix the agreement mistake
work
As a result
, the females
can be productive in these areas.
In conclusion, although
many people reckon to
think that males are naturally more competitive than Verb problem
apply
females
, others feel that the world is developing faster than before, and in the near future, women can use their full potential. As a result
, they will become more demanding than their counterpart.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents both sides of the argument effectively. However, the analysis could be more balanced and address the nuances of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, the supporting examples and arguments could be better connected to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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