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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #six #cities #summarise #features #comparisons
The table illustrates the data on the operational
year
,
length
 of
network
 in miles and
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of commuters
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 annually in millions by the underground
railway
 in six cities across the world, namely
London
, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC,
Kyoto
 and Los Angeles.
Overall
, the
London
 underground
rail
network
 is the oldest and the longest one,
while
Kyoto
's
network
 is the latest and shortest
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all. Meanwhile, Tokyo's
railway
network
 is the busiest among them.
To begin
 with, the
London
 underground
railway
network
 is the oldest one established in the eighteenth century, in the
year
 1863. The rest of the
railway
 networks became operational in the
nineteenth-century
Correct your spelling
nineteenth century
show examples
 with Los Angeles's latest addition in the
year
 2001. In terms of the
length
 of the
network
,
London
 has the largest route covering 394
km
 of distance in total, which is almost twice the
length
 of the
second
-largest
rail
 system, which is in Paris. The
length
 of the route in Tokyo and Washington DC stands at 155 and 126
km
. Los Angels have 28
km
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rail
network
,
while
Kyoto
 is at the bottom of the list at 11km. Among the number of commuters
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 annually by the underground
rail
network
, Japan has
busiest
Correct article usage
the busiest
show examples
 with 1927 million using
this
 transport system, followed by Paris,
London
,
Washington
Correct word choice
and Washington
show examples
 DC. Meanwhile,
Kyoto
 has
least
Change the article
the least
show examples
 number of commuters taking
this
 route per
year
 at 45 million.
Submitted by ramakhh15 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, length, network, railway, london, kyoto, rail, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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