IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment.

#talent #societies #method #people #entertainment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
talent
Use synonyms
 shows
program
Use synonyms
in
Suggestion
on
television
Use synonyms
 is becoming more popular nowadays. It generates a great deal of similar programs in
television
Use synonyms
 channels throughout the world
such
Linking Words
 as American Idol, Indonesian Idol, Indian Idol Junior and Britain’s Got
Talent
Use synonyms
. For
this
Linking Words
 reason, these programs are believed to get more
attentions
Suggestion
attention
 from viewers rather than finding talented people. Needless to say, those
Use synonyms
show
Suggestion
shows
 are just
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that the televised
talent
Use synonyms
 shows are brilliant ideas to find talented people, as those programs do an audition to find skilled people.
To begin
Linking Words
, several people believed that televised
talent
Use synonyms
 shows are only
entertainment
Use synonyms
 programs. It is profitable as the
show
Use synonyms
 director creates the shows to interact more viewers. As a straightforward example, in 2012, a manager of Indonesian Idol was choosing several participants to be able to
show
Use synonyms
 their outstanding
talent
Use synonyms
 for singing.
As a result
Linking Words
, it was interacting a million couples of eyes throughout Indonesia, as the
show
Use synonyms
 was successful to interact strong interest of Indonesian people. Unfortunately, today the popularity of the talents does not exist anymore, as the manager of
entertainment
Use synonyms
 industry does not interest anymore with the
talent
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 case
is proving
Suggestion
proves
 that presenting
talent
Use synonyms
 programs
is
Suggestion
are
 only for showing a value of pleasure. It is not finding a real talented person.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that televised
talent
Use synonyms
 shows are the excellent prospect to find talented people. It is proved by several TV programs from many parts of the world.
Firstly
Linking Words
, American Idol selects the best 24 talented people from 24,000 participants.
Then
Linking Words
, the judges of the
program
Use synonyms
 choose the three best singers to sign a long broadcast contract with
Use synonyms
television channel
Suggestion
a television channel
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Britain’s Got Idol has finished a chain of complicated selection processes to select talented people throughout
United Kingdom
Suggestion
the United Kingdom
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
program
Use synonyms
 succeeded to screen 12 of a thousand skilled people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the selected talented people
show
Use synonyms
 their
talent
Use synonyms
 regularly in the Local British
Television
Use synonyms
program
Use synonyms
 for several years until they get a new contract in the different channel.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Indian Idol Junior, a talented TV
show
Use synonyms
 for children, has succeeded to produce
children
Suggestion
child
 artists in India. Those programs are exactly finding real skilled people, while the
entertainment
Use synonyms
 is just a bonus for their programs. The aforementioned evidence shows that
television
Use synonyms
 programs which are showing talented people are the best for entertaining, while I strongly believe that those are the best concept to find talented people. The worst possibility that the programs fail to
show
Use synonyms
 the talented people
who
objective case of "who" ("who" is also often used in the objective)
whom
 public expected unless those programs have explained that it is just for amusement.
Submitted by miralijafari72 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: