IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#people #children’s #leisure #activities #waste #time
Generally, it is considered by an element of society that if students participate in any other
activity
Accept comma addition
activity, then
then
 academic
then
 it will not be beneficial in any way in their lives. I disagree with the statement because I believe that extra-curricular activities are
also
 important for a better growth.
Moreover
,
absence
Suggestion
the absence
 of
such
 activities will have devastating impacts on one’s life.
Nowadays due
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, due
 to immense competitive environment parents desire that their kids will spend most of their time on studies, perform
good
Suggestion
well
 in high school, gain higher
grads
a body of students who are taught together
grades
 so eventually they will be securing an admission in a top class college or university which will lead them to an ideal job and a successful life ahead. They do not want their children to be
indulge
Suggestion
indulged
indulging
 in any other activity which will divert their attention which is not the case as participating in sports, arts and debates will develop interpersonal and communication skills, strengthen their confidence level and grow their social networking skills which will help them later on in their careers to achieve excellence and always be superfluous.
On the other hand
, sedentary lifestyle will lead to
variety
Suggestion
a variety
 of health issues. It will have
adverse effect
Suggestion
an adverse effect
 on their physical and mental abilities as they will not be developed well when compared to other people of their age group. Being in isolation will tend to make them fractious and impudent rather obedient and amiable. In conclusion, I will like to stress again on the point that educational activities are not solely the key to
success but
Accept comma addition
success, but
 combining them with the recreational activities will surely lead them to a fruitful life.
Submitted by tahaabbax on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: