IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent for free time activities. To what extend do agree or disagree?

#government #money #education #time #activities
Government is the brain of the country who controls all the parts of
the the
definite article
the
 particular geographical boundaries.
This
 is about of
education
 without
this
 the survival is
arduoud
characterized by effort to the point of exhaustion; especially physical effort
arduous
added
.
This
 essay will articulate about why
government
Suggestion
the government
 should spend more money on
education
 with the reasons and its pertinent examples. To commence with, if the authorities are providing proper
education
 facilities to the students, it increases the literacy level of the country. The more literacy level, the more number of entrepreneurship will take place. If no proper facilities will be there, inhabitants will migrate to abroad countries.
For instance
, if underdeveloped country are not focusing on
education
 centre, students will migrate to developed countries to have
better future
Suggestion
a better future
 and standard of life.
Moreover
, as an outline says that
education
 is the boon for humans. Government should
also
 spend more money by providing laboratories, computer labs, sports ground, so that the students can do exercise and
also
 from there they can have
chance
Suggestion
a chance
the chance
 to play up to a certain level of competition, and
kaun
Suggestion
Kaun
can
sa
indefinite article, "an" is use before a vowel sound, "a" otherwise
a
 number of
dropout
Suggestion
dropouts
 will start descending. To extend, government should
also
 organise medical camps for the students.
Conversely
,
bureaucrates
an official of a bureaucracy
bureaucrats
 should
also
 focus on free time facilities by providing public libraries, dancing and singing halls, parks and gardens and et-cetera. Though we can overlook
this
 because spending money on
education
 gives more benefits which are already mentioned in the above paragons. In conclusion,
education
 is the way to success and it
also
 teaches us to be in discipline, how to develop your personality, and
also
 to be respectful towards younger and
elder ones
Suggestion
the elder ones
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: