IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. - Do you agree or disagree? - Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit #answers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Yes, certainly I agree that people belonging to different
occcupation
the principal activity in your life that you do to earn money
occupation
occupations
occupational
 and career should be allowed to retire early. I believe setting a fixed number for the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 is unfair to certain professions. Consider an example of daily wage workers or labourers who
work
Use synonyms
 in extreme climatic conditions. These people can physically strain their bodies not more than 25 years. An average
age
Use synonyms
 of labour working for 25 years would be 46, considering he started out 18 years. At
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 doing any more physical
work
Use synonyms
 is not possible. An option to retire early or any flexibility in
retirement
Use synonyms
 plan would hugely
benifit
financial assistance in time of need
benefit
 them and after
retirement
Use synonyms
 they can opt for part-time desk jobs. A similar condition can be imagined for Army or Security personnels. These men and women
work
Use synonyms
 under tremendous
work
Use synonyms
pressure risking
Accept comma addition
pressure, risking
 their lives for the nation. Here, in
this
Linking Words
 condition, a forced
age
Use synonyms
for
Suggestion
of
retirement
Use synonyms
 may
inccur
make oneself subject to; bring upon oneself; become liable to
incur
 loss of several lives and put
nation's security
Suggestion
the nation's security
 at risk. Another similar example
are
Suggestion
is
 sportsmen, who have short-lived careers owing to physical injuries and
performace
a dramatic or musical entertainment
performance
performs
 stress. In conclusion, people who have to perform physically in their
dality
being twofold; a classification into two opposed parts or subclasses
duality
 routine
jobs or
Accept comma addition
jobs, or
 are associated with Nation's security should
have an option take
Suggestion
have an option to take
 an early voluntary
retirement
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sadawana.karan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: