IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Some people are of the opinion that
music
 is a good source to unite
people despite
Accept comma addition
people, despite
 having diverse cultures and ages. I strongly disagree with
this
 point of view for two main reasons;
language
 barriers and choice of
music
 based on generational disparity. The
first
 reason I tend to believe why it is not a likable way to connect people from various ages is the difference in
music
 preferences of the old and new generation depending upon their
era
a particular geographical region of indefinite boundary (usually serving some special purpose or distinguished by its people or culture or geography)
area
 of popular
music
. Before the modern instruments were invented, the earlier contemporaries were much more inclined towards the kind of
music
 that had meaningful lyrics.
Moreover
, it has
also
 been observed that people with older traditions complain about the type of
music
 youngsters are currently addicted to.
For instance
, having carried out recent research, it is
analyzed
examined carefully and methodically; broken down for consideration of constituent parts
analysed
 that 90% of the people from the current generation would choose to listen to rap rather than slow and classical
music
.
Thus
,
music
 can not help diminish
this
 generational gap among people.
Secondly
, not only the culture but
also
 the
language
 is an intangible barrier to interact with foreigners. Despite the fact that
music
 is not as semantically concrete as
language
, every musical phrase creates a specific emotion that can only be followed by the people with a similar mode of communication.
In addition
 to that, the range of
music
 is quite wide so it provides people an option to select the
music
 they understand. The University of Alberta has conducted a study which proves that
language is one the
Suggestion
language is the one
the language is one
 main criterion on which the popularity of
music
 relies on.
As a result
, people select the kind of
music
 that feels familiar to their soul and
thus
 is not a good measure to join them together. To conclude,
although
 some people might think of
music having
Accept comma addition
music, having
 the ability to reduce the distance
among
Suggestion
between
 nations, I am still persuaded that it actually has more to do with the division among them. It has been discussed in
this
 essay that
language
 barriers and generation gap can have a strong influence on the preferences of
music
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: