IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that govts should act to the change the way individuals live in order to ensure they have more healthy lifestyle.Others however think that they should live as they choose.Discuss both and give your opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is accountable for
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
show examples
 lifestyle of the
people
Use synonyms
.
Where as
Use the right word
Whereas
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
others argue it is
individual’s
Correct article usage
the individual’s
show examples
 responsibility. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we shall discuss both the views and conclude with my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can help in improving life
style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 by providing
well maintained
Use the right word
well-maintained
show examples
 parks where
people
Use synonyms
 can exercise, better sanitation facilities and clean water provision
Punctuation problem
. added
show examples
added
Replace the word
In addition
show examples
 to
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 must provide facilities to farmers to produce more organic crops
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the primary
act
Check wording
way
show examples
 to maintain a healthy body is through our intake.
Additionally
Linking Words
,Free hospital facilities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will help
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 and needy to get
medication
Correct article usage
the medication
show examples
 they
require
Punctuation problem
require,
show examples
 should be given importance. Recent statistics have concluded that garbage will
be doubled
Wrong verb form
double
show examples
 by 2025
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is alarming . They should
also
Linking Words
 ensure to take all possible measures to reduce pollution, garbage.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, conducting
Use synonyms
health related
Use the right word
health-related
show examples
 seminars and camps
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 another method of
health
Use synonyms
 promotion.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is true that the
government
Use synonyms
 policies and initiatives help the
people
Use synonyms
 to have a better lifestyle.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is irrefutable that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 individuals are equally responsible for maintaining
health
Use synonyms
. The lifestyles that
people
Use synonyms
 adopt
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 based on the choices that
people
Use synonyms
 make .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 imposes
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 on junk foods and the person cannot resist
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
controlling to have them ,
then
Linking Words
 there is no meaning in placing any controls. No matter
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
how hard the
government
Use synonyms
 tries, if he/she does not want to be healthy, the
government
Use synonyms
 can do nothing about it. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the
people
Use synonyms
 to ensure a healthy pattern.The individual should take conscious effort
in abstaining
Change preposition
to abstain
show examples
 from unhealthy practices. The
health
Use synonyms
 promotions that the
government
Use synonyms
 undertakes become successful only when
people
Use synonyms
 decide to remain healthy

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grammar
Fix mistakes in grammar and punctuation; use shorter, clear sentences.
structure
Plan the essay: start with a short intro, then two body parts showing both sides, then a short conclusion with your view.
content
Give clear examples that connect to the point you make.
coherence
Use easy linking words like also, but, however to show how ideas fit.
accuracy
Check spellings and use plain words; avoid long hard words.
content
You discuss both sides and give a view at the end.
structure
There is a clear end with your opinion.
language
Some linking words show good flow in parts of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • health
  • healthy
  • life
  • policy
  • rule
  • plan
  • tax
  • ads
  • advertisements
  • ban
  • public
  • campaign
  • information
  • choice
  • freedom
  • responsibility
  • cost
  • money
  • fair
  • unfair
  • effect
  • impact
  • support
  • program
  • target
  • group
  • city
  • park
  • bike
  • walk
  • exercise
  • habits
  • lifestyle
  • issue
  • society
  • culture
  • limit
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