Many parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence in computer games and TV programs for children. Is violent entertainment harmful for children? What can be done to about this problem?

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In today’s world main source of entertainment for kids is either by computer games or television with

good amount

Suggestion

a good amount

of viciousness. In the opinion of the guardian watching ferocity can harm the children

Accept space

Linking Words

However if

Accept comma addition

However, if

they are to be monitored and guided

Accept space

this

Linking Words

issue can be resolved to

larger extent

Suggestion

a larger extent

. In

this

Linking Words

essay we shall discuss solutions to the problem. To start

with many

Accept comma addition

with, many

actions

are picked

Suggestion

is picked

up from what one visualises specifically in his /her early childhood.

Although

Linking Words

children are exposed to

great amount

Suggestion

a great amount

of information in

this

Linking Words

technical world they

Linking Words

however miss

Accept comma addition

however, miss

the experience to calibrate a situation unlike adults do to a large extent. Needless to say, they get motivated to perform the actions seen.

For

Linking Words

example if

Accept comma addition

example, if

the expectation of a child is declined by some person, his thoughts run with all the destructive activities against the person from whom he has attached his expectation. Until and unless if there was some value created his thoughts they will not subside.

Moreover

Linking Words

, video games have shown an increased aggressiveness in today’s children

Accept space

They are impatient and perform all their day

today

Suggestion

to day

activities with the based on the

glamor

alluring beauty or charm (often with sex-appeal)

glamour

which surrounds them

Accept space

thereby boosting their ego

Accept space

They lack skills like emotional intelligence which is required to make our society a better place to live.

For

Linking Words

example they

Accept comma addition

example, they

do not bother to understand the needs of family and friends We can avoid any unforeseen instances which might happen by constantly monitoring while children are watching television.

Alternately parents

Accept comma addition

Alternatively, parents

Alternatively parents

can watch

such

Linking Words

programmes with

there

of them or themselves

their

kids and give constructive criticism for any violent act which can ensure if viewed in

there

of them or themselves

their

absence can capture the correct sense.

More over

in addition

Moreover

encouraging outdoor games and participating with them will help them move out from ferocious games Taking all points into consideration, I would say that violence in contemporary media has substantially influenced

kids

Suggestion

kids'

behaviour. Increased monitoring by elders and extensive

out door

located, suited for, or taking place in the open air

outdoor

games would definitely help to reduce the problem.

Submitted by athiyaasad786 on Sun Feb 02 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

328 words

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Many parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence in computer games and TV programs for children. Is violent entertainment harmful for children? What can be done to about this problem?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc.to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local people when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country To what extent do you agree or disagree?