Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In recent years, different types of

entertainment

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as movies and video

games

Use synonyms

became

Wrong verb form

have become

show examples

easily accessible with the use of modern technology. In my opinion, I think

this

Linking Words

development can bring more benefits to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society compared to any problems it might bring. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe that having easy

access

Use synonyms

to films and

games

Use synonyms

through mobile

devices

Use synonyms

is significantly beneficial to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society today.

Firstly

Linking Words

entertainment

Use synonyms

is at our fingertips.

In other words

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

who are usually on the go will still have

access

Use synonyms

to some form of fun and leisure.

Secondly

Linking Words

, waiting in line will not be as boring and mundane as it was before. A patient,

for instance

Linking Words

, waiting for his turn for his monthly check-up with a cardiologist, can now use his cellphone to pass the time by engaging himself in mobile

games

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as Marvel Super War and Candy Crush.

Such

Linking Words

forms of

entertainment

Use synonyms

help

people

Use synonyms

improve their quality of life as it enables them to feel at ease and relax anytime and anywhere. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when films and

games

Use synonyms

are easily accessible through modern technology. Because

people

Use synonyms

can

access

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

entertainment

Use synonyms

any

Change preposition

at any

show examples

time, they could get addicted to it, which is one of the problems

this

Linking Words

development could pose.

According to

Linking Words

recent studies by the

health

Capitalize word

Health

show examples

and

gaming department

Correct your spelling

Gaming Department

show examples

of Electronic Arts,

also

Linking Words

known as EA,

minority

Add an article

a minority

the minority

show examples

of teenagers get addicted to mobile

games

Use synonyms

since mobile

devices

Use synonyms

are present in every household. These children do gaming for more than twelve hours a day, which is considered detrimental to health. Another negative aspect is that

people

Use synonyms

who

access

Use synonyms

movies and video

games

Use synonyms

readily and regularly

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

might have the tendency to not do their work or daily tasks

due to

Linking Words

the fact that their focus is solely on the

entertainment

Use synonyms

their brains can digest. But these issues can easily be managed by exhibiting self-control, limiting the usage time of

devices

Use synonyms

and, most of all, knowing one’s priorities. In conclusion, the improvement in the quality of life that society can acquire through easily accessible

entertainment

Use synonyms

from mobile

devices

Use synonyms

clearly outweighs the disadvantages.

Fri Feb 07 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your argumentation is solid, but ensure that your points are elaborated with more specific examples, especially when discussing the benefits and drawbacks. For instance, provide statistics or findings to further validate claims about addiction.

coherence and cohesion

Try to improve the transitions between your ideas. Although your essay is generally well-organized, enhancing the linking phrases will make it easier for the reader to follow your thoughts from one point to the next.

coherence and cohesion

While your introduction provides a clear stance, consider making it a bit more engaging by mentioning the potential for these technologies to change the landscape of entertainment entirely.

task achievement

You presented a clear opinion on the topic, establishing a definite position from the beginning, which is commendable.

task achievement

Your use of examples, such as the situation of a patient waiting for a doctor's appointment, effectively illustrates your points and enhances understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

351 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people argue that teaching children of different abilities together benefits all of them. Others believe that intelligent children should be taught separately and given special treatment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, children with different abilities and intelligence are more likely to be taught together in one classroom. People believe that teaching children of different abilities together is beneficial. However, edgy people think that children who are intelligent should be divided from normal children and taught in another way with special treatment. Personally, I agree with the second opinion that they should be taught separately.
7.5
band
Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? Vy
In this day and age, environmental pollution is an urgent problem in society.It causes negative impacts on human life.Therefore, enhancing public awareness of environmental conservation is essential.In my essay, I will give some of the ways in which people are deteriorating the environment and some solutions to overcome this issue.
8
band
Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own
In the salad days of the millennium, this society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding the notion either the migration of families is advantageous for the children or it makes their life hard. People have different mindsets. The subsequent paragraphs will shed light on both approaches before making the final note.
6.5
band
Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Looking back one hundred years, people have recognized computers as one of the most remarkable inventions of the human being. I believe this technology has, indeed, been a turning point in our lives within a social and educational frame, becoming one of the most striking creations of our society.
7
band
More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information, so there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspaper. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
In the modern world, cell phones are the greatest boom to gather all the information at the fingertip. Whether people benefit from accessing electric devices like computers and mobile phones or they are supposed to continue using printed books and magazines is a never-ending debate. Can anyone deny that people using mobile phones collect data quickly as it is digitalized and flexible? Certainly not.

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people argue that teaching children of different abilities together benefits all of them. Others believe that intelligent children should be taught separately and given special treatment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do? Vy

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information, so there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspaper. To what extent do you agree or disagree？