The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar graph compares the proportion of Australian males and females in various
age
brackets who were frequently involved in physical activity in 2010.
Overall
, physical exercises were the most popular among the women aged between 45 to 54 and 55 to 64,
whereas
the male members of the youngest
age
group were more physically active than any other groups of men. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
,
hefty
Correct article usage
a hefty
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53.3% of female individuals
at
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apply
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the
age
of 45 to 54 worked out regularly, making it slightly more than those of 35-to-44 and 55-to-64 female
age
groups (52.5% and 53% respectively). Meanwhile, the percentage of men who were aged between 15 and 24 was quite close to these figures
with
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at
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52.8%. The women in
25-to-34
Correct article usage
the 25-to-34
show examples
age
group came
next
with 48.9%, as opposed to men’s 42.2%. It is interesting to note that the figures for senior citizens of both genders averaged out at 47%.
Similarly
, the proportion of female young adults accounted for just above 47%.
Finally
, the remaining trends for the
men
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men's
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age
brackets were equal
or
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to or
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less than 45%.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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