some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children
spend several hours
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
video
games
which have become increasingly popular recently.
While
some people believe that playing an electronic game would be harmful, others think that
video
games
may help the development of
children
in many ways. Here, I would account for both sides with my own perception. On the one hand, there are several negative impacts on
children
if they keep playing the computer game
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a long period.
Firstly
, an immature child is highly addicted to the feeling of going through the next levels of a game or boosting
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
to break a record.
This
type
addiction
Change preposition
of addiction
show examples
can
also
cause some problems with their school, a lack of sleep or unfinished homework are consequences of spending
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a few more hours on the
playstation
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
.
Moreover
,
children
tend to stay
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same place
for playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
electronic
games
instead
of working out, having a high risk of health hazards
such
as obesity, weak
visions
Fix the agreement mistake
vision
show examples
, and eye strain.
Lastly
, It can be noticed that the themes of a majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
are prominently based on violent
battle
Fix the agreement mistake
battles
show examples
. Overindulgence
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
games
makes the young minds of
children
susceptible to emotional indifference.
On the other hand
, virtual
games
can be both entertaining and educational.
To begin
with, these
games
encourage imagination
as well as
concentration, which are useful skills in real life. To
specific
Add a missing verb
be specific
show examples
, shooting
games
can help
children
think quickly and develop their hand-eye coordination.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
foster brain development and problem-solving skills.
For instance
, online Puzzles and number
games
are increasingly being used by schools to improve
thinking
Correct article usage
the thinking
show examples
capacity of the pupil. In conclusion, playing computer
games
has both advantages and disadvantages.
Children
are easily affected by electronic
games
,
therefore
, parents should assist them
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
show examples
the right
games
and ensure that they are not spending their entire day in front of the screen.
Submitted by lindsayguo872 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Provide a more balanced discussion of the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games. Also, ensure that the conclusion reflects the balanced discussion.
cohesion
Use more varied transition words and phrases to create a better flow between ideas and paragraphs.
vocabulary
Expand your range of vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions.
grammar
Use a wider range of sentence structures and ensure consistent and accurate use of grammar throughout the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: