IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a higher salary than those who have not. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#time #employment #individuals #university #salary
Nowadays, the debate about giving payment to employee is becoming increasingly popular. Some people think, that higher salary should be given to the people, who graduated from university rather than, who do not. They, not only invest a lot of
money
 in Education, but
also
 occupy high skilful and stressful jobs. In my opinion, more dollars should be introduced to the highly educated employee. Workers, who have completed their Education, spend plenty of
money
. They need to pay for the accomodation and transportation. As well as, buy materials and take private courses. In fact, the
last
 Harvard university research has concluded, that majority of people put about 80% of their savings in Education. For these reasons, it is a paramount rule to give these people more
money
 than others. They
also
 occupy high skilful and stressful jobs. If the do not get enough salary, they will not do their jobs immaculately.
Furthermore
, they have not to work over time to get more
money
, because their workers deal with guarding souls.
For instance
, doctors and scientists exert great efforts to protect and cure patients from epidemics and diseases.
Moreover
, engineers build infrastructure, which is a critical job.
Therefore
, if These professionals do not earn enough
money
, many people may lose their lives. In conclusion, there is no denying how important role
money
 plays in
people
Suggestion
peoples
 lives.
Although
 some people believe that highly educated employee have to get more
money
, others think that everyone should take the same amount. People who finished their universal studies have spent most of their
money
 during their Education.
In addition
 to, their jobs pressurize them. From my point of view, it is fair to give highly educated workers more
money
 than other people.
Submitted by dentamratef on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: