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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph elucidates the proportion of male and female academic
staff
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Fundamentally, there is a conspicuous
number
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of engineering for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
81
Change preposition
of 81
show examples
%. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of business
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
62
Change preposition
of 62
show examples
% for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. The lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of male academic
staff
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 only 21% in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, there is a noticeable
number
Use synonyms
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
65%.
Thus
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 45%
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
female academic
staff
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of arts. In spite
of
Correct pronoun usage
thisof
show examples
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 only 18%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of engineering. In
glimpse
Add an article
a glimpse
show examples
, there is a
contrast
Replace the word
contrasting
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of female and male academic
staff
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
. Men have
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 with
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
81
Change preposition
of 81
show examples
%,
therefore
Linking Words
 women
are only have
Change the verb form
only have
show examples
18
Correct article usage
an 18
show examples
% total
number
Use synonyms
. Depending on
female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 have
65
Correct article usage
a 65
show examples
% total
number
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 but men have
21
Correct article usage
a 21
show examples
% total
number
Use synonyms
 only.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, members, number, faculty, education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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