IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs,believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work.Other employers see no benefit doing so.

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gyms #sports #clubs #staff #work #benefit
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Employers provide paid activities for their employees
,
Accept space
,
hoping that it increases
capacity
Suggestion
the capacity
 of personal and motivates them.In case
,
Accept space
,
there are both points will be discussed.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
it
can be seem
Suggestion
can seem
 that worker's performance indeed might be refreshed
,
Accept space
,
if some activities will be provided them.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
employee
Suggestion
the employee
an employee
employees
 will receive subsidized membership and turn it
advantage
Suggestion
advantageous
 for them.
Then
Linking Words
 employees will appreciate it and that
give
Suggestion
gives
 positive reasons for working hard.According to experience
,
Accept space
,
it could given task more efficiently and raised incentives if employer perform. Other hand
,
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,
if employees do not want to spend their spare
time on ongoing
Suggestion
time on an ongoing
 training and outdoor activities for them, mostly it will cause negative results overall performance of workers.
For example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
It can be noticed some sort of
protests
Suggestion
protest
 organized by unhappy workers.In that case
,
Accept space
,
it is revealed task for
company
Suggestion
companies
a company
 that organize activities for their co-workers. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
it can be more
valuable
Accept comma addition
valuable, thus
thus
Linking Words
 organizing ongoing training for increase performance review of employees.Spending output on ongoing training would be
more effectively
Suggestion
more effective
 to motivate workers.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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