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The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
#bar #results #survey #personnel #department #company #two #groups #workers #factors #work #performance
Given is the bar illustrating two
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 in terms of influences on their work performance.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the most motivated element in both groups is Money,
wheares
Correct your spelling
whereas
where
 the Work environment is the most
detered
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deterred
 fact
as well as
 declining their job performance. A more
detaied
Correct your spelling
detailed
 look at the view of Promotion prospects is the highest percentage of the aged 18-30, at 80%, which opposed to the aged 45-60 is just only 58 %.
However
, the tough
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on both groups are
Relaxed
Correct article usage
the Relaxed
show examples
 working environment,
while
 the younger group reveals double times than the older group, ( 83% as opposed
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 35%). To be more specific, the figure for Job security in the offspring worker was two times, at 40%, in comparison with the
veterant
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veteran
veterans
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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just only 20%. As
regard
Correct subject-verb agreement
regards
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Working
Correct article usage
the Working
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 environment, the figure for
boths
Correct your spelling
both
 aged teams
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 quite similar in favour of their productive duties, at 30 %.
However
, It is noticeable that Money is the most
stimulous
Correct your spelling
meticulous
stimulus
 factor
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the aged 18-30 and
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 aged 45-60 , at 74% and 65% respectively.
Submitted by hphuongvc999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • survey
  • personnel department
  • major company
  • age group
  • work performance
  • factors
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • common
  • significant
  • differences
  • important
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