The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

#bar #results #survey #personnel #department #company #two #groups #workers #factors #work #performance

Given is the bar illustrating two

seperate

Correct your spelling

separate

age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

in terms of influences on their work performance.

Overall

it is clear that

the most motivated element in both groups is Money,

wheares

Correct your spelling

whereas

where

the Work environment is the most

detered

Correct your spelling

deterred

fact

as well as

declining their job performance. A more

detaied

Correct your spelling

detailed

look at the view of Promotion prospects is the highest percentage of the aged 18-30, at 80%, which opposed to the aged 45-60 is just only 58 %.

However

, the tough

affects

Replace the word

effects

show examples

on both groups are

Relaxed

Correct article usage

the Relaxed

show examples

working environment,

while

the younger group reveals double times than the older group, ( 83% as opposed

Change preposition

show examples

35%). To be more specific, the figure for Job security in the offspring worker was two times, at 40%, in comparison with the

veterant

Correct your spelling

veteran

veterans

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

just only 20%. As

regard

Correct subject-verb agreement

regards

show examples

Working

Correct article usage

the Working

show examples

environment, the figure for

boths

Correct your spelling

both

aged teams

are

Change the verb form

show examples

quite similar in favour of their productive duties, at 30 %.

However

, It is noticeable that Money is the most

stimulous

Correct your spelling

meticulous

stimulus

factor

Change preposition

for

show examples

the aged 18-30 and

the

Correct your spelling

those

show examples

aged 45-60 , at 74% and 65% respectively.

Submitted by hphuongvc999 on Sat Feb 15 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

181 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

bar chart
survey
personnel department
major company
age group
work performance
factors
comparison
analysis
common
significant
differences
important

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It's argued that children in primary schools should be taught to plant vegetables and take care of animals. This essay will argue that despite the fact that this often create more stress for students, the positives can far more outweigh the negatives for it can support a well-rounded education and contribute to student's well-being.
4
band
The impact that growing demand for more flights has had on the environment is a major concern for many countries. Some people believe that one way to limit the number of people traveling by air is to increase taxes on flights. To what extent do you think this could solve the problem?
there is an ongoing debate, Between people in regard to cutting down the number of travellers through air some believe in the increasing taxes on the flights ,while other disagree with this notion, this essay will disuss the reasons why I disagree with riseing taxes on flights .
<4
band
Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives simpler and more convenient, while others argue that these developments have led to a loss of important life skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
To be more convenient and simpler living. Nowadays, technology is become a part of human lives. Many people use technology to comfort their living style and to make lives easier, but some people argue that technology is destroying important life skills.
<4
band
You are taking a course at a local college .The deadline for your project was last week but you have finished it. write a letter to your lecturer in your letter: . introduce yourself .explain why you haven't handed in the project yet. .request more about to do it.
I am writing this letter to request you for need more time to complete my project.
6
band
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In life, some people think that competing with others at work, school, and in daily life is good. Others believe that it is better to work together and help each other. This essay will talk about both ideas and give my own opinion.

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The impact that growing demand for more flights has had on the environment is a major concern for many countries. Some people believe that one way to limit the number of people traveling by air is to increase taxes on flights. To what extent do you think this could solve the problem?

Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives simpler and more convenient, while others argue that these developments have led to a loss of important life skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

You are taking a course at a local college .The deadline for your project was last week but you have finished it. write a letter to your lecturer in your letter: . introduce yourself .explain why you haven't handed in the project yet. .request more about to do it.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.