The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

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Given is the bar illustrating two

seperate

Correct your spelling

separate

age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

in terms of influences on their work performance.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

the most motivated element in both groups is Money,

wheares

Correct your spelling

whereas

where

the Work environment is the most

detered

Correct your spelling

deterred

fact

as well as

Linking Words

declining their job performance. A more

detaied

Correct your spelling

detailed

look at the view of Promotion prospects is the highest percentage of the aged 18-30, at 80%, which opposed to the aged 45-60 is just only 58 %.

However

Linking Words

, the tough

affects

Replace the word

effects

show examples

on both groups are

Relaxed

Correct article usage

the Relaxed

show examples

working environment,

while

Linking Words

the younger group reveals double times than the older group, ( 83% as opposed

Change preposition

show examples

35%). To be more specific, the figure for Job security in the offspring worker was two times, at 40%, in comparison with the

veterant

Correct your spelling

veteran

veterans

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

just only 20%. As

regard

Correct subject-verb agreement

regards

show examples

Working

Correct article usage

the Working

show examples

environment, the figure for

boths

Correct your spelling

both

aged teams

are

Change the verb form

show examples

quite similar in favour of their productive duties, at 30 %.

However

Linking Words

, It is noticeable that Money is the most

stimulous

Correct your spelling

meticulous

stimulus

factor

Change preposition

for

show examples

the aged 18-30 and

the

Correct your spelling

those

show examples

aged 45-60 , at 74% and 65% respectively.

hphuongvc999Sat Feb 15 2020

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

181 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

bar chart
survey
personnel department
major company
age group
work performance
factors
comparison
analysis
common
significant
differences
important

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The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job. However, others believe skills and experience are more important. Discuss bot sides and give your opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? -> google places