IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Any act that causes harm to another individual or a group of people, is considered as crime. Crimes are done with an intention to hurt someone intentionally. Crime rates of young offenders are definitely on the rise and researchers say that there has been over 52% increase in crime by
youngers
Suggestion
young
younger
 below the age of 18. Many opine that it is solely the outcome of bad parenting and that parents need be taught better parenting skills. But, I do not totally blame them for it. We live in a time and place where society plays a major role in moulding an individual. Societal pressures have both positive and negative impact on the younger generations as they tend to take in everything like a sponge. Today’s generation is exposed to a variety of digital devices through which they can watch or share anything according to their whims and fancies. Even today’s entertainment industry has become nonchalant in screening the content they broadcast and label them as ‘U’. Genres like horror, sci-fi
etc
continuing in the same way
etc.
 now show scenes of cold blooded murder, rape and other crimes and are considered as just another snippet in the movie. News broadcasting channels are no better as they show disturbing
content including
Accept comma addition
content, including
 videos, pictures, controversial interviews that disturb the young minds and make them ruthless. Some detractors may opine that parents have the sole control over their children and that better parenting skills would make them better children. Parents can influence the children to a certain extend and can imbibe good value system to the youngster, but other influences like friends, bad company, society, digital media
also
Linking Words
 play a vital role in creating pivotal changes to the youngster’s mindset. In conclusion, I do not agree to the idea that teaching parenting skills to parents are the only way to reduce
crime rate
Suggestion
the crime rate
 of young offenders.
However
Linking Words
, it can be one of the steps towards achieving the goal
to
Suggestion
of
 creating a better thought process in our younger generation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: