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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20 percent in last ten years. discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution

#percentage #children #societies #percent #ten #years #effects #trend #offer
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The ratio of obese kids in western societies has elevated nearly 20% in a period of ten years. I
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss the cause and effect is
this
Linking Words
 change and will provide
solution
Suggestion
a solution
the solution
solutions
. The main cause of
increase
Suggestion
the increase
 in
obesity
Use synonyms
 ratio of kids is the unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Number
Suggestion
A number
The number
 of children’s eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is
on
Suggestion
to
 arise now a days. Restaurants and fast
food
Use synonyms
 chains serve tasty
food
Use synonyms
 to attract children, but these foods
contain
Suggestion
contains
 high level of fat and salts which increases weight.
Secondly
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, to top it up youngsters
do not do
Suggestion
does not do
 physical activities like
exercise
Use synonyms
 or playing. They spent their time watching TV or playing games on
computer
Suggestion
the computer
 or on mobiles.
Finally
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 consumed by many children at home is unhealthy. Today in many
homes
Suggestion
home
 maximum
food
Use synonyms
 which is consumed is processed or packed
food
Use synonyms
 like chips, ready to eat meals etc. Consumption of these foods on
daily basis
Suggestion
a daily basis
 results in gaining weight. The consequences of
obesity
Use synonyms
 are very serious.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are many diseases which
occurs
Suggestion
occur
 due to
obesity
Use synonyms
 like high blood pressure, diabetes etc. Having these types of diseases will result in
life long
continuing through life
lifelong
 dependency on medicines.
Secondly
Linking Words
, overweight children’s are usually
bulled
be bossy towards
bullied
 at school and are looked down due to overweight. These types of issues can lead to low performance at school.
Finally
Linking Words
,
obesity
Use synonyms
 can lower self-esteem of a child.
Main solution
Suggestion
The main solution
 to the problem of
obesity
Use synonyms
 can be a well -controlled diet. Parents should keep in check on diet of their kid and should ensure that he/she takes a balanced and nutritious diet.
Secondly
Linking Words
, parents and teachers should educate children on
importance
Suggestion
the importance
 and benefits of
exercise
Use synonyms
. In every school there should be dedicated time for
exercise
Use synonyms
, so that it becomes a habit. In conclusion, consumption of fatty
food
Use synonyms
, lack of interest in physical activity
are
Suggestion
is
 the major cause of increase in weight gain of children.
This
Linking Words
 can result in early onset of many diseases. Parent and teacher can play an important part
by
Suggestion
of
 keeping in check the intake of
food
Use synonyms
 and educating kids about
importance
Suggestion
the importance
 of
exercise
Use synonyms
.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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