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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, children spend leisure
time mostly
Accept comma addition
time, mostly
 in front of
computer
Use synonyms
 like playing games. Coming high resolution games in the market making addicts to the children. I totally accept it is
negative development
Suggestion
a negative development
 of children.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, playing more
computer
Use synonyms
 games affecting
children
Suggestion
children's
child
child's
health
Use synonyms
. To elaborate, they are losing interest in sports and spend all the time in front of
Use synonyms
computer
Suggestion
a computer
the computer
computers
 which making overweight, decreasing flexibility and arising several kinds of
health
Use synonyms
 issues
to
Suggestion
for
 kids.
Secondly
Linking Words
, children are lacking interpersonal skills like cooperative skills, they are not going outside and not making
friends which
Accept comma addition
friends, which
 makes uncomfortable when they take part in any team activities.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, gradually changing behaviour between kids, More and more playing
computer
Use synonyms
 games reduce interaction between parents and friends which making more aggressive while communicating with anyone. On top of it, several articles printing regarding
mental
Suggestion
the mental health
health
Use synonyms
 of children and most of the articles saying playing more
computer
Use synonyms
 games influence on
mental
Suggestion
the mental health
health
Use synonyms
 of children like they are getting struggle while making quick decision.
However
Linking Words
, interaction with
digital world
Suggestion
the digital world
 through
computer
Use synonyms
games making
Accept comma addition
games, making
 more
computer
Use synonyms
 friendly to the kids as
digital world
Suggestion
the digital world
 is coming so it is making more comfortable
to
Suggestion
for
with
 the children for taking advantage
from
Suggestion
of
 technology and use in better ways when they will be
adult
Suggestion
an adult
adults
. To sum-up, positive developments never overcome
negative effects
Suggestion
the negative effects
 if they are constantly playing games
in
Suggestion
with
whole time
Suggestion
the whole time
. It is very important in these days to teach children
for
Suggestion
to
about
 how to use technology in
better way
Suggestion
a better way
 and aware
to
Suggestion
of
 kids towards
lot
Suggestion
a lot
 of benefits comes from sports. If parents should focus to teach kids for making schedule for sports, video games and socialize
then
Linking Words
 it is better way to deal with
this
Linking Words
 kind of problem.
Submitted by kulpreetsingh90 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
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