IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #subjects #study
It is important to consider what
children
 should study.
While
 some people argue that
children
 should learn the fundamental required subjects, I believe that they should be free to select their desired fields of study.
To begin
 with, those who prefer to enforce specific curriculums on
children
 argue that
this
 will enable them to gain the required skills for their careers.
As a result
,
this
 education would reduce unemployment among these young people who will be equipped with the required knowledge to be hired.
This
 would lead to an economic
booming
Replace the word
boom
show examples
 wherever
this
 educational system is implemented.
For example
, a paper published by economists at Cambridge University in 2019 declared that learners who are trained
according to
 their markets’ needs are more likely to get employed. Had it not been for these firm educational systems, these
children
 would have been exposed to the risk of joblessness.
On the other hand
, I believe that allowing
children
 the will to choose the subjects they are interested in would enhance their self-confidence.
This
 is because it would enable these
children
 to make their own decisions despite their young ages.
This
 would contribute to developing these youngsters into better leaders, which would, in turn, aid them in becoming better parents.
Conversely
, if these young students didn’t choose the curriculums that they are fond of, they would suffer in developing their parental skills.
For instance
, research conducted by pedagogical experts at the Egyptian
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
 in 2019 revealed that
children
 who are
enforced
Verb problem
forced
show examples
 to specifically
chosen
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 courses are less expected to succeed as parents. In conclusion, despite
prepared
Correct article usage
the prepared
show examples
 curriculums for
children
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 beneficial in terms of preparing these students for the professional markets’ needs, I believe that the strengthened self-reliance that
allowing
Change the form of the verb
allows
show examples
 them to choose their admired field of study can provide is the better approach.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. It will help maintain the overall coherence.
task achievement
Add more relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This helps in validating your points and providing solid evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and succinctly encapsulate the essay’s viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives of the argument and provides a well-rounded discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation and engagement
  • creativity and individual strengths
  • innovative thinking
  • neglecting essential disciplines
  • fundamental for basic education
  • well-rounded education
  • necessary tools to succeed
  • structured curriculum
  • educational standards and equality
  • foundational knowledge
  • explore their interests
  • essential knowledge
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