IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Children
Use synonyms
, at a very early age, are susceptible to the world around them. They cannot differentiate
good
Change preposition
between good
show examples
 and bad.
Thus
Linking Words
,
many a
Correct the article-noun agreement
many parents want
many a parent wants
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 want to pull the harness on their
children
Use synonyms
 from really a tender age.
By contrast
Linking Words
, others opine that
children
Use synonyms
 need
liberty
Add an article
the liberty
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 to be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
complete
nevertheless
Linking Words
, I am of the honest opinion that the combination of government and independence is a better approach than emphasizing any one of the two. Admittedly, it is the onus on
parents
Use synonyms
 to guide and curb their toddlers so that they can act in a proper manner.
Parents
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 should
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ethics and values in their
children
Use synonyms
. More importantly, the restriction is needed to teach them about submission. To give an illustration, in our lives, each and everybody has to submit himself to some kind of authority. People are controlled and obey discipline in order to avert chaos.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should set rules to manage young
children
Use synonyms
 and provide them with limits that what they can and cannot do.
This
Linking Words
 in turn that young
children
Use synonyms
 are like clay and you can shape the form you like to. On the flip side, freedom makes young
Use synonyms
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 self-reliant. It provides
children
Use synonyms
 with the opportunity
of exploring
Change preposition
to explore
show examples
 mistakes by themselves and
solves
Correct subject-verb agreement
solve
show examples
 issues
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own way. When
children
Use synonyms
 can solve problems alone, they
would be
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more confident
that
Correct word choice
which
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 will fuel
self-esteem
Correct pronoun usage
their self-esteem
show examples
. Another key thing to remember, creativity is very vital for all of us. And a child would be created only when he is allowed to make his own choice and do things in their own approach.
Hence
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should ensure a positive environment so that their
children
Use synonyms
 can hone their creative skills. Based on
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 arguments, I would like to say that independence and oversight are the linchpin in parenting. Toddlers are like clay
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 can form the shape as they wish.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
,
restriction
Add an article
the restriction
a restriction
show examples
 can make
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 rebellious. So, what I want to say is that young
children
Use synonyms
 need liberty and
supervise
Replace the word
supervision
show examples
 in a proper proportion.

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task achievement
While you adequately presented both views and offered your own opinion, your arguments sometimes lack depth. Try to include more detailed explanations to fully support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea, and use linking words effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs, making your essay more readable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the two opposing views and sets up your position effectively, giving the reader a good insight into your essay’s structure.
task achievement
You do a good job of acknowledging both perspectives on the issue, providing a balanced view that encourages consideration of your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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