IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #advertisers #amount #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #object #pressure #information #advertisements
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some advertisements nowadays life
have
Suggestion
has
 a great impact on people’s buying
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
, especially children. I believe that advertisers, almost, do focus on suggest and encourage young consumers to purchase more than they really need. On the one hand, children are more likely to be influenced by non-factual aspects of advertising than adults. It is clear that most children are likely to enjoy snacks, candies or toys.
Therefore
, almost advertisements nowadays have interesting content for children to make their parents buy.
However
, the problem is that not all products that appear on TV are good. If children enjoy and play these kinds of food or toys advertised on
media
Suggestion
the media
, it may have negative impacts on the physical development of children as well as their health.
On the other hand
, in fact, it can directly see that most advertisements these days are intent to
persuading
Suggestion
persuade
 viewers, especially children, to make more purchases than they really need. Some products for kids have new features and attractive
design but
Accept comma addition
design, but
 these products are not really necessary for their life.
However
, the increasingly high frequency of television and online advertisements for these products clearly shows persuasive attempts of advertisers. These marketing and commercial activities have certain effects by creating greater commercial impulse and making young children insist on asking their parents to buy those things for them. In conclusion, I believe that advertisers should decrease the number of advertising which aimed at children and parents need to concern about how advertisements affect their children.
Submitted by nguyentung23698 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: