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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports starts) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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Every profession in the world has its own values, some
gives
Suggestion
give
enormous amount
Suggestion
an enormous amount
enormous amounts
 of money together with fame while others lacks sponsorships and public
attentions
Suggestion
attention
.
This
Linking Words
 leads to the notions among masses that some celebrities are over paid, while
other’s stance
Suggestion
the other’s stance
 is opposite. In my opinion, despite there are many other fields which deserve more money than Entertainers but considering
short
Suggestion
a short life cycle
life
Use synonyms
 cycle of their
career
Use synonyms
, and due to tough
competetion
a business relation in which two parties compete to gain customers
competition
, they are paid
reasonable amount
Suggestion
a reasonable amount
 of money.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
number
Suggestion
a number
the number
 of stars around us, we can count them, they are not great in numbers. In fact, talking
personal
Suggestion
personally
, if I begin to count Engineers or Accountants in our family, I can confidently say that there are 20 people belonging to these professions but no one is an actor or a cricketer.
This
Linking Words
 is because it needs enormous talent
to qualify being
Suggestion
to qualify as being
 an entertainer. So it is completely justified to pay more
to
Suggestion
for
 them, as there is a basic economic
rules
Suggestion
rule
 that says “low supply, high cost of buying”. Not only the talent, but another important aspect is the total years of their
career
Use synonyms
. An accountant can easily start working at the age of 18 and he can work till 60 years or possibly until retirement threshold set by the government;
in addition
Linking Words
, he starts at low wage and continue to grow and earns maximum near his retirement. On
contrary
Suggestion
the contrary
,
celebrities
Suggestion
celebrity
celebrity's
career
Use synonyms
 age is short. A recent survey conducted by
International Cricket Council
Suggestion
the International Cricket Council
 (ICC) in 2019, where they reported average age of cricketer is between 24 years and 34 years, that means
peak
Suggestion
the peak
a peak
 of their monthly incomes will only be within these 10 years.
This
Linking Words
 means they should earn enough during
this
Linking Words
 period so that their
life
Use synonyms
 economically stays viable after retirement. Contrary to above, there is a public debate that how Doctors are paid lesser
Linking Words
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 a TV actor? People believe that a person who spends most of his time on duty while caring patients, undoubtedly, must be compensated higher as
compare
Suggestion
compared
 to an actor who provides
few hours
Suggestion
a few hours
 of
entertainement
an activity that is diverting and that holds the attention
entertainment
. Though, we might find many opponents to
this
Linking Words
rational but
Accept comma addition
rational, but
 still it carries a logic. In conclusion, despite a fact that there are many other professions which are not paid according to the efforts involved, we
can not
can not
cannot
 draw their comparisons with Entertainers because of the variable years of
career
Use synonyms
. Due to
short
Suggestion
the short life cycle
life
Use synonyms
 cycle, Entertainers much earn enough that once they are out of the profession, they can live their
life
Use synonyms
comfortably
Suggestion
comfortable
.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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