IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours. leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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It is believed that many individuals spend much
time
Use synonyms
 working
;
Accept space
;
therefore
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, they could not have much
time
Use synonyms
 for recreational activities. I am of the view that demerits of
this
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 lifestyle outweigh its merits. In the following lines, both the blessings and the drawbacks will be discussed.
To begin
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 with, working long
hours has
Accept comma addition
hours, has
 some advantages. One merit is achieving economic stability;
this
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 is because the more the workers spend their
time
Use synonyms
 working, the more they will earn money.
Moreover
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, they may get incentives or pay increments since they are hard workers. Another merit is that many of these individuals are experts in their fields. As their jobs take precedence over other life activities, they develop various
work
Use synonyms
 related skills faster than their colleagues.
For instance
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, many taxi drivers in Egypt take shortcuts in order to save passengers''
time
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.
This
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 is because these drivers spend about 65 hours working on a weekly basis.
In contrast
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, I believe that spending many hours working with little free
time
Use synonyms
has
Suggestion
have
 many drawbacks. One of them is the detrimental psychological effect. If workers get
few free hours
Suggestion
a few free hours
,
Accept space
,
 the strain of
work
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 will increase
,
Accept space
,
and they may be afflicted by some ailments
such
Linking Words
 as depression. Another drawback is the sedentary lifestyle. Since working individuals usually spend their spare
time
Use synonyms
 doing some exercises, they will abandon these physical activities
;
Accept space
;
 as a
consequent
Suggestion
consequence
, they may gain weight. Not only does
this
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 trend negatively affect workers' health, but
also
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 it has a negative impact on their social life. To illustrate, because the majority of their day is at
work
Use synonyms
, they could not attend most of the social events.
Consequently
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, they will feel
loneliness
Suggestion
lonely
 and detached from their societies. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 spending many hours at
work
Use synonyms
 enhances workers' economic prospects and improves their career progression, I think it will lead to dire physical and mental consequences
in addition
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 to
work
Use synonyms
/life imbalance.
Submitted by aelqasii on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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