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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summarise #features #comparisons
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The first bar chart illustrates the percentage of the population who own their computers between 2002 and 2010. The
second
Linking Words
 graph compares the
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 categorised
each
Change preposition
at each
show examples
 educational institution level in the same range
periods
Change preposition
of periods
show examples
 of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, the population of
computer
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
ownership
Replace the word
owners
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in the 8 years. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who own their
computer
Use synonyms
 is higher in
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
 educational sector in both 2002 and 2010.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 2002, approximately 58% of the population possess
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
computers.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased steadily, and nearly 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 own their computers in 2010. Regarding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the relationship between
people
Use synonyms
’s
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 and their education level, both results from 2002 and 2010
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 pattern.
That is
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who learn
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 educational sector
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
show examples
 to own their
devise
Replace the word
device
show examples
. It can be seen that approximately 13% of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have high school diploma
own
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 their
devise
Replace the word
device
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 nearly 80% of postgraduate students has their own
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 in 2002.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
approximately 42% of
people
Use synonyms
 with no high school diploma
own
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 their
computer
Use synonyms
, whilst approximately 90% of postgraduate students own their device in 2010.
Submitted by aya.n.try on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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