IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

#schools #universities #girls #arts #boys #science #trend #tendency
The bar chart illustrates the proportion in
percent
 of sports
activity
 done by the Australian people in categories separated by gender and
age
 in 2010. Overall, there are 6 different
age
 groups which are clear to see that the average of physical
activity
 done by females is higher compared to
activity
Suggestion
actively
 done by males. The most striking difference is in the
age
 group from 35 to 44 years old. In fact, the
percentage
 of men exercise is by far the lowest of the all
age
 groups, with a
percentage
 of 39.5
percent
. Whereas the women exercise has a proportion of 52.5
percent
.
By contrast
, in the oldest
age
 group has a proportion of
activity
 done by both genders approximately the same, with a value of 46.7 for male and 47.1 for female. Regarding to
the youngest
Suggestion
younger
the younger
age
 groups of people, is clear that the sport
activity
 done by males is more than those done by females, with a
percentage
 of 52.8 and 47.7
percent respectively
Accept comma addition
percent, respectively
per cent respectively
. Another noticeable feature is in the people between 45 and 54 years old, which has by far the highest
percentage
 of women who do physical
activity
, with a value slightly higher than the half, more precisely of 53.3
percent
. While man's
activity
 has a value of only 43.1.
Submitted by xu.roberto20867 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: