IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
The stars, whether from the television, sport or music world is an inevitable part of the nation, but the salary they are paid off is one of the highly debatable topic. I strongly agree that they do get enormous salaries in comparison to the other professions that require to be considered more in terms of the monetary aspect because of their hard work and beneficence they cause to the humanity. To start with, the exorbitant wages entertainers receive for the amount of task they do, is unjustifiable.
For example
, the unbeatable success of the movie "Big-5" added billion to the bank account of famous actress Shrita who might have worked 6 to 7 hours a day for 3 to 4 months. On the other side, the army cadets who are working selflessly on the borders away from their families risking their lives to safeguard the native citizens from the cross country threat, are paid in several thousands for the month.
This
 cannot be appreciated.
Furthermore
, if the wages provided with a job are seen from the perspective of the contribution it makes to the society, the entertainment field is not the top notch. They do lack behind when the ingenuity of the scientist, soldiers and other professions for the betterment of people are considered.
Therefore
, there are jobs
such
 as the army cadets, officials, traffic policemen, scientists that need to be highly paid for their undivided attention and the lives they risk for the betterment of the whole nation. In conclusion, entertainers do get an exorbitant amount of money,
however
, I believe that individuals in a job should be paid according to their hard work and the contribution they make to the society as a whole.
Submitted by poonam889sharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: