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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in differenr age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in differenr age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #differenr #age #groups #activity
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart illustrates the proportion of gender in a different
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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, from 15 years old to over, of Australian people who did usually exercise in 2010. At first glance,
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men
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men's
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 and
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women
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women's
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trend
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trends
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 are not the same.
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Men
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Men's
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 peaks at teenagers, 15 to 24 years old, made up 52.8% and decreased to the lowest of all by 39.5% in
age
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 between 39.5% before gradually
rose
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rising
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 to 46.7% at
age
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 65 and over.
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Women
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Women's
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trend
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trends
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 were not like
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men
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men's
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. Teenage
women
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 were 47.7% before moderately
increased
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increasing
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 to the peak of all
in
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apply
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53.5% at
age
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 45 to 54.
Then
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 slightly dipped down to 47.1% at ages 65 or over which
were
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was
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 less than the teenage
women
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 only 0.6%. In summary,
men
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 usually did
physical
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a physical
the physical
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 activity
in
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as
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Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
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teenager
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teenagers
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,
while
Linking Words
women
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 liked to do it in the middle ages, but rage is nearly the same when
their
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the
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ages
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age
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of
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apply
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65 or over. Yet comparing
of
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apply
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both sexes,
women
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is
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are
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 likely to do exercise or active activity than
men
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.
Submitted by tongmek158 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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