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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals, of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals, of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients
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There is a total of 3
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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different types of nutrients given in the chart which are consumed by the
people
 of the United States
in
Change preposition
at
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 four different times of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day. In the beginning, the day starts with breakfast which contains 14%
sodium
 16% saturated fat and the same amount of added
sugar
.
In
Change preposition
At
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 lunchtime, the percentage of taking
sodium
, saturated fat and added
sugar
 are respectively 29, 26 and 19.
On the other hand
,
people
 consume the highest volume of added
sugar
 in their
snacks
Change the noun form
snack
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time
 which deteriorates to severe health risks. In the US livelihood,
people
 eat
sodium
 nutrients the most
in
Change preposition
at
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 Dinner
time
 which is around 43%. Later on,
people
 should start the day with energetic food which contains a proper scale of
sodium
, optimum saturated fat and
sugar
. Everyone should avoid added
sugar
 as much as possible, as it bears
articial
Correct your spelling
artificial
 sweets.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lunch and dinner
time
, one should eat
Sodium
 and saturated fat
more
Rephrase
rather
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 than added
sugar
. As added
sugar
 may increase health
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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,
therefore
,
it's
Replace the word
its
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percentage should be decreased from 42 % to 20%. Rather, they can have fruit in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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snacks
Change the noun form
snack
show examples
time
. Fruit provides twice as much
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energy than added
sugar
 and it lasts
long
Rephrase
longer
show examples
.
To sum up
,
people
 are seeking added
sugar
 and have less
sodium related
Add a hyphen
sodium-related
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nutrients,
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they need it the most.
Although
 they eat a satisfactory amount of saturated fat, they need to emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other two.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sodium, sugar, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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