The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals, of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals, of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
There is a total of 3
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
different types of nutrients given in the chart which are consumed by the
people
of the United States
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
four different times of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
day. In the beginning, the day starts with breakfast which contains 14%
sodium
16% saturated fat and the same amount of added
sugar
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
lunchtime, the percentage of taking
sodium
, saturated fat and added
sugar
are respectively 29, 26 and 19.
On the other hand
,
people
consume the highest volume of added
sugar
in their
snacks
Change the noun form
snack
show examples
time
which deteriorates to severe health risks. In the US livelihood,
people
eat
sodium
nutrients the most
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Dinner
time
which is around 43%. Later on,
people
should start the day with energetic food which contains a proper scale of
sodium
, optimum saturated fat and
sugar
. Everyone should avoid added
sugar
as much as possible, as it bears
articial
Correct your spelling
artificial
sweets.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch and dinner
time
, one should eat
Sodium
and saturated fat
more
Rephrase
rather
show examples
than added
sugar
. As added
sugar
may increase health
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
,
therefore
,
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
percentage should be decreased from 42 % to 20%. Rather, they can have fruit in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
snacks
Change the noun form
snack
show examples
time
. Fruit provides twice as much
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energy than added
sugar
and it lasts
long
Rephrase
longer
show examples
.
To sum up
,
people
are seeking added
sugar
and have less
sodium related
Add a hyphen
sodium-related
show examples
nutrients,
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
they need it the most.
Although
they eat a satisfactory amount of saturated fat, they need to emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other two.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sodium, sugar, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: